Your Horoscope for Today!
by kuroi gami
Summary: it's divination time and the boys have been introduced to Weird Al


Usagi: hehehehe. This is so absurd.. I just had to do it. It was either a Hp one or a GW one… and Hp just fit into the song more. I mean we already know that Ron and Harry make a mockery of the "fine art of divination" but this was too perfect…  
  
Umm, don't sue… JK Rowling… *who's like my own personal goddes, btw *, and Warner Bro.s own them… and it's a good thing, not for me… or my friends… but for them.  
  
Ron & Harry together : Damn straight!  
  
Usagi: Don't make me come over there! Anywho… enjoy ur fic! R/R pleasepleaseplease!!!!  
  
  
  
"Your Horoscope For Today"  
  
Harry Potter looked over at his best friend, Ron Weasley.  
  
"And now, I think it's time for Mr. Potter, and Mr. Weasley to grace us with the horoscopes they came up with for all the astrological signs. Pleasestart, boys." Profesor Trewanaly looked over her giant glasses at the two boys.  
  
"Umm, Professor, we kind of went a little farther, and made it into a song." Harry said, smiling. It wasn't his fault that their spacy divinations teacher didn't know about muggle music.  
  
"Very nice boys. Well, go ahead."  
  
Harry smiled and said in a sing song voice.  
  
"Aquarius  
  
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus  
  
Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day"  
  
Ron then cut in with,  
  
"Pisces  
  
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus  
  
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say"  
  
Harry smiled and sang,  
  
"Aries  
  
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon  
  
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep"  
  
There were some gasps, but for the most part, the class was trying their best not to laugh.  
  
Ron really began to open up and he belted out  
  
"Taurus  
  
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?  
  
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep"  
  
At this the whole class just burst out laughing.  
  
Both boys began to sing, as harry conjured up mikes for both of them.  
  
"That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today"  
  
Ron began to sing the next part.  
  
"Gemini:  
  
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence  
  
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest"  
  
Harry smiled at pointed at Neville saying  
  
"Cancer:  
  
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud  
  
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test!"  
  
Ron smiled and looked at Harry. He pointed at him and sang to the class.  
  
"Leo  
  
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no  
  
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik!"  
  
Next Harry shouted out,  
  
"Virgo  
  
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you  
  
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick."  
  
Once more the class was just dying at this.  
  
Both boys sang again.  
  
"That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today."  
  
Ron smiled and held up his hands in a questioning way, then started to talk.  
  
"Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely  
  
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have  
  
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,  
  
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions  
  
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have  
  
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true."  
  
He looked at Harry. "Where were we?"  
  
Harry laughed and ruffled Ron's hair then sang, looking directly at him.  
  
"Libra  
  
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you  
  
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week."  
  
Ron looked annoyed and punched Harry in the arm while singing.  
  
"Scorpio  
  
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window  
  
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak"  
  
Harry smiled and pointed at Seamus, who was sitting right next to Dean and Neville.  
  
"Sagittarius  
  
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)  
  
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den."  
  
Everyone laughed ever harder and Seamus blushed a bright red.  
  
"I'll kill you Harry!"  
  
Ron was now looking at Dean. He pointed at him and sang.  
  
"Capricorn  
  
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying  
  
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again!"  
  
"That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)  
  
That's your horoscope for today" Both boys continued to sing, not that you could hear them over the laughter inside the classroom.  
  
Not only were the students laughing, but two people whom had been guests in the classroom were laughing as well.  
  
"I have never heard any horoscopes that well done!" Professor McGonagall said with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I dare say, I always thought it was a little cooky of Syble to ask us here only for this day every year, but now I'm glad she did." Albus Dumbledore said, the laughter obvious in his bright blue eyes.  
  
"Yes. Well, only Harry and Ron could pull this off." Professor McGonagall stopped laughing for a moment and looked serious for a moment. "Have they realized yet?"  
  
"I think each of them have realized, although I doubt they think the other has."  
  
McGonagall and Dumbledore looked at the two boys who were being applauded by the students. They watched as Harry slid a side glance at Ron and then as Harry looked away, Ron looked at him.  
  
"Well, I hope they realize soon. Miss Granger has already realized it, and she is dying for them to. She figures as soon as they realize that they love each other, then they won't mind about her and Draco… where if they were to find out say now, they wouldn't be very pleasant."  
  
"And she is absolutley right. That girl is very brilliant. I am glad she is on our side. She makes an awesome ali, but she would make an even worse enemy."  
  
McGonagall nodded and then they turned and watched as Trewanaly chewed out Harry and Ron for making a mockery of the fine art of divination.  
  
~Owari. 


End file.
